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(continued from men are from mars and women are from venus)

One of the biggest differences between men and women is how they cope with stress. Men become increasingly focused and withdrawn while women become increasingly overwhelmed and emotionally involved. At these times, a man’s needs for feeling good are different from a woman’s. Not understanding and not accepting these differences creates unnecessary frictions in our relationships.

When a martian gets upset he never talks about what’s bothering him. Instead, he becomes very quiet and goes to his private cave to think about his problems, trying to find a solution. When he has found a solution he feels much better and comes out of his cave. If he can’t find a sollution then he needs to do something to forget his problems, like reading a magazine or playing a game.

This is hard for women to understand because on Venus sharing your problems with another is an important activity. It’s actually considered a sign of love and trust.

When a man is stressed he will redraw into the cave of his mind and focus on solving the problem. At such times he is powerless to give his partner the attention and communication she needs and deserves. It’s hard for the woman to be accepting of him at these times because she doesn’t know how stressed he is. She feels hurt when he turns on the news or goes outside to play some basketball and ignores her.

It’s easy to take it personally. To expect a man who’s in his cave instantly to become open, responsive and loving is as unrealistic as expecting a woman who’s upset to immediately calm down and make complete sense.

On the other hand man generally have little awareweness of how distant they become when they’re in their cave.

(... to be continued)

* excerpt from Men are from Mars, women are from Venus by John Gray, Ph. D.